The Ultimate Proposal Toolkit

Asking someone to marry you is one of life’s most memorable moments, but it can come with its fair share of nerves and uncertainty. According to Abelini’s recent study of 1,000 people, 63% of Brits who proposed would have done something differently - so what exactly do you need to know about proposals?

To help couples navigate this exciting journey, Abelini surveyed people across the UK to find out how they approached their proposals, from timing and location to ring preferences and styles. Abelini also studied Reddit data to reveal the top questions people want to know before proposing, whilst speaking to etiquette expert, Laura Windsor to find the answers.

Whether you're about to pop the question or just dreaming about the day, this is your ultimate guide to the perfect proposal.

How do you choose the perfect ring?

Choosing the perfect engagement ring is a huge part of any proposal, but it can be intimidating trying to get it right. According to our survey, 11% of people who were proposed to felt their ring didn't quite meet their expectations, with some even saying they hated it.

So, if you’re torn between a classic diamond, a unique design, or a moissanite or lab-grown option, remember: you know your partner better than anyone else, so trust your instincts.

The study also revealed some key uncertainties that can make proposals feel daunting. Beyond wondering if their partner is ready for the big question (a concern for 17% of proposers), 16% said they wished they knew their partner’s ring size - an essential detail that can make a world of difference.

Unsurprisingly, figuring out how to get a partner’s ring size discreetly was also one of the top ten questions people asked on Reddit. To shed some light on this and other proposal dilemmas, etiquette expert Laura offers her advice:

“If your partner already wears rings, then it’s easy. Borrow one and take it to the jewellers to get it measured. If not, ask relatives or close friends, making sure you only ask those who can be sworn to secrecy. You can also ask them to investigate.

“Manners are about making the other person feel comfortable and not embarrassing others or yourself. Getting the wrong-sized ring may embarrass you or at least make your partner feel uncomfortable or disappointed. It may be the most important proposal you will ever make in your life, so make it a great one. You may be showing a lack of consideration or care if the ring doesn’t fit. I always believe that if you are going to do something, do it right the first time. You don’t want that part of the proposal to dampen the special moment as you may never live it down.”

If you’re still unsure of your partner’s size, check out this handy guide to help you get it right.

Laura also shared insight into what to do if you don’t like the ring your partner has proposed to you with:

“If you receive an engagement ring you don’t like, it’s best to be diplomatic about it, rather than offend or upset your spouse-to-be. If it is a family heirloom, you should be gracious and gratefully enthusiastic about having received a family treasure.

“Remember you are getting married to the person, not the ring. Do not lose sight of what the ring represents - a lifetime of commitment and love. You may eventually become attached to it. If not, perhaps further down the line you could ask your now-spouse how they would feel if you had it reset, or modified. You could also purchase a ring enhancer (which fits snugly around an engagement ring) that mirrors more your style, especially if the engagement ring is an heirloom.”

What should the proposal look like?

With your unique engagement ring in hand (and in the right size), it’s time to focus on planning the proposal itself. But how can you tell if your partner is ready, without asking them outright?

To help, Laura shares some subtle signs that indicate it might be time to take your relationship to the next level:

• “The two of you are on the same page about your future and you've already talked about marriage and children

• You’ve overcome some rough patches and are stronger than ever

• You are both aware of each other's ambitions and life goals and proposing right now would not get in the way of that. For example, if your partner is navigating a particularly stressful situation in any area of their lives, perhaps now would not be the best time to propose

• You communicate effectively, there is a certain calmness in your relationship and you both have similar values

• If you find the same things funny, that is a good recipe for a happy outcome

• Your partner is dropping hints”

When it comes to proposal mistakes, the biggest faux pas according to the report is proposing at someone else’s wedding - with nearly half of respondents agreeing it’s the worst possible scenario.

Coming in close behind, two in five people feel that public proposals are also a major misstep. If you’re planning to pop the question, choosing an intimate, private setting is a safe way to make the moment special without the added pressure.

The data also revealed that one in 12 people wished they knew their partner’s dream proposal style before popping the question. On Reddit, one of the top ten proposal questions was also how to choose the perfect location. For those in the planning stages, etiquette expert Laura offers her top tips:

“Just be yourself, after all, your partner has fallen in love with the person you are right now. If you know each other well and you know what your partner’s interests and passions are, then it should be easy.

“You should know what the person feels comfortable with. You could always ask a close friend or perhaps a parent or sibling. Remember to stress how important their discretion is until you’ve popped the question.

“I think that if you are planning to propose you should have a fair idea of what would or wouldn’t go down well. It’s about self-awareness, and awareness of those around you, as well as being aware of your partner’s likes and dislikes, and knowing and understanding what makes them happy.”

How much should you spend?

Worried about feeling pressured to splurge on an expensive ring? Don’t be - three quarters of people in the survey spent less than £2,500. And when it comes to planning, there’s no need to overthink it - 61% of respondents said they spent less than a month preparing for the big moment.

The proposal itself doesn’t have to break the bank, either. In fact, 57% spent under £200 on the setup, while 5% couldn’t recall what they spent at all. Interestingly, when asked what they’d do differently if the budget was unlimited, over a third said they wouldn’t change a single thing.

How do you pick the perfect spot to propose without a huge budget? Among the top questions on Reddit were things like hiring a photographer, proposing while on holiday, and choosing the right location. Laura continues:

“With a little thought and imagination, the presentation of the ring can be very romantic, after all, a proposal of marriage is meant to be one of the most exciting moments in any partner’s life.

“It’s always recommended to propose in an environment where your partner feels the most comfortable and relaxed, away from the stress of the world.

“Ask yourself what it is that they love doing more than anything else whether it is a place or an activity. For example, if your partner loves wining and dining in a particular restaurant that is always fully booked then getting a dinner reservation will make it all the more special. If your partner loves hiking, go off on a day’s hike and present the ring at a spot that has a magnificent view.”

Proposing is a different journey for every couple, full of excitement, nerves, and lots of decisions - from the ring and location to timing and style. Abelini’s report and Reddit insights reveal that while each proposal is unique, there are some common concerns that we all share. The good news? Most couples find that personal touches, genuine moments, and thoughtful gestures are what truly make a proposal memorable.

Whether you’re picking a custom engagement ring, finding the right words, or choosing a location, keep your partner’s preferences at heart. As etiquette expert Laura Windsor reminds us, the proposal is ultimately about celebrating your love and commitment in a way that feels true to who you are as a couple. Trust your instincts, enjoy the process, and remember that it’s the love and thought behind the gesture that matters most.

Ready to make your moment unforgettable? Take these tips to heart, choose a unique engagement ring and you’re well on your way to creating a proposal that will be remembered for a lifetime.

Sources and methodology
Abelini worked with survey provider, TLF, to survey 1,000 British adults over the age of 18 who had either proposed to someone or been proposed to in October 2024.
Data was gathered from 500 random Reddit posts on r/proposal containing questions around proposals, these were then analysed using tools to give a better understanding of the top 10 questions around proposals and what percentage of the posts mentioned these questions.